Unwanted
by maraki-maraki
Summary: Tony is pregnant with Loki's baby, and he doesn't want it. But he is happy, so Tony can't tell him that! Fluff, angst, mpreg discussion of abortion. (previously posted as a Loki/OC story)


At last, Tony was alone in his room and he could finally cry all he wanted.

Now don't get him wrong, he was not the type of man that would cry for every little thing. In fact, he had a weird relationship with crying. Whenever he felt sad, he know for a fact that it just wouldn't go away unless he let it out. He felt like it was cleansing his soul.

But that does not in any way mean that he enjoyed being watched while doing so. He had been wanting to cry for days, but it's so damn hard to get some time alone while managing Stark Industries and being an Avenger.

Of course he told the others and Pepper, after all, it was a fact. Either way, it wouldn't be long until it would be visible. All of them were super happy for him.

The thought made him cry harder. Everyone was happy for him (for them) except him.

He made everyone promise that they would not tell anything to anyone else, with the excuse that he didn't want the press to find out yet. It didn't even seem a bit strange to them.

It seemed so weird that no one had observed that there was something wrong with him. Loki is the only one that had a good excuse for it. He was so happy when he told him he was pregnant! He was pretty sure that he had already spread the news in all the nine realms.

Tony would never forget the moment he told him, about a week ago. He stood frozen, looking at him wide-eyed for at least 30 seconds, while Tony had literally stopped breathing while waiting for his response. When he got it, though, he realized that the anguished waiting was perhaps better than what would come next.

Loki kissed him more passionately that he had done in a while, he thanked him a thousand times and kneeling, he started talking to his belly.

"Hello little one. I'm your daddy. And in a few months you're going to be part of the best family in the world!"

After that, Iron Man could remember vaguely himself replying that until now he was only his daddy while trying to hide that he was sinking in despair, and nothing after that. He thought it was so painful that his huge brain just deleted the rest. Seeing him being so happy he just couldn't tell him that he didn't want it!

Tony don't think he had ever cried so intensely before in his life. He wasn't ready for a baby! Let's face it, he himself was still one! On stormy nights, if he wasn't out or with Loki, he used to sleep with a teddy bear that he had ever since he was a toddler. How exactly was he supposed to become a father? And considering the fact that the other father would be a god….

Now that he thought of it, he could barely take care of himself! He was 35 years old and he was alive only thanks to help he bought! It was obvious that he was going to make a useless father!

But he knew that he just could not do that to Loki. He had never seen him happier. He didn't even plan to tell him that he had some doubts, for he knew for a fact that he would not leave him in peace after.

So he just settled in with crying his heart out and perhaps later on with pouring a glass of wine to himself to 'celebrate' the eternal ending of his freedom.

Suddenly, a knock on the (thankfully locked) bedroom door interrupts far too soon his weeping.

"Tony, baby, are you inside?" Loki's voice is heard.

Fuck.

Tony jumped up. "Yes, but don't come in. I'm undressed" he said the first excuse that came into his mind, trying his best not to sound desperate.

He chuckles. "It really would not be the first time that I would see you naked, but as you wish".

He checked his reflection at a pocket mirror. He couldn't look worse. His eyes were red and puffy, and you could see that he had been crying from miles. He must not see him like this!

"Loki, could you leave? I have much work to do, and I'm not really in the mood for anything".

"Oh, come on. I haven't seen you all day! I can go get some food and we will sit together here. We are not obligated to go out, and you will be able to relax".

Tony had to admit that the idea sounded really tempting, but it just wasn't possible. All he need at the moment was to be left alone to cry in peace.

"I'm sorry, baby, but better not. I'm really tired and I don't feel so well".

Shit. He shouldn't have said that. He heard him shifting.

"Why? Is everything alright?"

"Of course, all is well!" he replied, knowing that this answer apart from insufficient it also sounded fake.

A small pause. "Tony let me in".

Fuck.

He was serious. He knew that after this point there was no turning back. "I just need some time for myself".

"My love, I know that there is much pressure on you having to deal with both the baby and the college, but I need to make sure you are alright. Let me in and I swear that the moment I make sure you are fine, I'll leave you in peace" he says softly.

He leaned with his back on the door, knowing that this wasn't going to stop him in any way. "I'm sorry, but no. I can't".

Another small pause. When he spoke again, he sounded even more serious than before.

"Tony please tell me you did not use any drugs again".

His heart skipped a beat from the surprise. "N-No!" his voice sounded offended, but it was shaking so badly that he wouldn't even believe himself, even though he was telling the truth.

It was one time! One fucking time, and he still didn't trust him!

He was not certain whether he played this card because he actually believed it or just because he wants to make sure that he'd open the door. It didn't hurt any less either way.

He's heard tapping his fingers on the door irritated.

"Really, Stark? You promised me that you would never do that again! And even if you did not care about your promise, don't you care about our baby? Do you not know that you might hurt it like this?"

Tony had to use all his strength to not start crying again. He wouldn't be able to handle a dispute with Loki on top of all.

"Please Loki, just go away! I want to be left alone!" he pleaded, his voice breaking somewhere in the middle of his words.

He know why Loki wouldn't just teleport inside. He wanted to make him feel like he also had share in the control in their relationship. But he probably wouldn't keep it up for long.

"No. I demand you open this door immediately. I am not going to allow you to destroy our baby for your absurdities!"

Tony was not thinking, and he certainly was not in control of his actions as he rushed and opened the door. He noticed that Loki flinched, surprised that he actually opened, being used to him being even more stubborn. Tony turned his back to him quickly, hoping that he didn't have enough time to take a look on his face.

"Here, see? I did not take anything, and if you want we can go right now to the hospital for a confirmation!"

He heard him take a few slow steps and he knew that he was inspecting the room, searching for the smallest details to be off.

"Alright," he says at last, and Tony's heart skipped a beat for no particular reason. He was ready to have whatever examination he wanted him to have just to prove him wrong. But as he continued, Tony realize that he didn't have to get so aggressive. "I'll believe you, and we won't go to the hospital. In fact, I am going to leave, since you obviously do not wish for me to be at your side".

"You're rephrasing my words, that's not what I said."

"I know" he replied casually even as the other man's tone became defensive. "You need some time for yourself, just as we all do from times to times. I'll give it to you then. But before that, I just want you to look at me in the eyes."

He was puzzled before he realized that he wanted to take a look at the pupils of his eyes, which certainly were not dilated, but that did not change the fact that if he saw the state of his eyes right now, he was screwed.

"For your information, it really hurts that you don't believe that I'd keep my promise" he stated, trying to transfer the offence that he felt into his words.

"Alright, then prove that I am unfair with you and that you are actually reliable" he responded, more serious than ever.

He sighed. "Fine" he said while turning around to look at him. He noticed how instantly the expression on his face from a cold one turned into a worried one at the sight of his tear-streaked face. "See? I didn't take anything," he continued simply.

Tony observed how, momentarily, his beautiful blue-green eyes moved, like they were trying to confirm his words. After, though, he decided to concentrate on the big picture.

"My love, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice almost as soft as when he talked to his stomach.

Huh, funny. He never thought that he would be competing against his unborn child over the love of his soon-to-be-husband.

"Really, I'm your love now? Because not long ago I was liar and unreliable" he snapped at him.

"You were a liar" he said rigidly. "But you are right. I never should have doubted you. You must realize that you really worried me with your attitude."

Tony was certain he was just trying to soften him, but he wouldn't fall into his trap. He actually intended to keep this up, not letting him question him again about what was wrong with him, but he did so before Tony even had a chance to open his mouth.

"It's nothing, it's just hormonal stuff", he replied, trying to shrug it off. It didn't work.

"If it was just 'hormonal stuff' then you wouldn't refuse to let me in."

He turned his back to him again and bit his lip, knowing that he wouldn't be able to keep using such excuses for long. Loki came behind him, and the other man leaned on his chest, with his one hand softly rubbing his shoulder and his other resting softly on his stomach.

"My love, I'm begging you, tell me," he whispered into my ear. "Is there something wrong with the baby?"

He couldn't hold himself anymore. It was impossible for him to keep hiding something this huge from him. He turned around, buried his head in his chest and started crying once again.

Without missing a second, he wrapped his arms protectively around Iron Man's body and rested his lips on his forehead, like he had learned to do after his multiple outbursts.

He left him be like this for a while before he finally calmed down a bit and regained his ability to talk without having sobs interrupt his words. "Can I tell you the truth?"

"Of course! That's what I was asking you to do all this time" he responded softly.

"Please don't be mad at me!" he said trying to keep his voice steady.

"I'll be mad at you if you continue to lie to me like that. If you are honest with me, of course I won't get angry at you," he replied, even though Tony was sure that the few moments that it took him to collect himself before he replied were nothing but torturous for the young God, as million thoughts were probably running in his head.

"I don't want it" he admitted at last, his voice a barely audible whisper.

"What?" he whispered. He was devastated, Tony could tell. He broke free from his hug and took a few steps backwards, while he sat on his bed, staring at his boyfriend with his eyes wide open and his legs spread, observing his little monologue.

"I don't want it, okay? I know how much you want to be a father, but you're out of luck. I'm not ready to have a child. I'm the most irresponsible person I know! And no, it's not that I'm just scared, because pretty much anyone would be scared in my place, that's not an excuse. I'm really not ready! Right now, I'm going to make a bigger baby from our baby."

He made a small pause to take a breath and he proceed to kneel in front of Loki. He was taller than him again, just as he always was.

"It would be an honor for me to be the father of your children at some point. But not now. I'm not ready for such a responsibility!"

He stared at him. During his outburst he had enough time to get over his first shock, so now he was looking at him much calmer than before. Even so, he took a few seconds before giving him his reply.

"Alright".

Tony looked at him shocked. "What? That simple?"

He stooped and kissed him gently for a long time, just like they did every time the other one got upset. And it worked every time.

When they split, Tony was still looking at him with surprise. "What do you mean alright?"

"If it is to make you this miserable, then I think we should not do it".

"But… but you were so happy about it!"

He looked at me kindly and smiles at me. "My dear, I have quite a long time ahead of me. You, though, need to enjoy your youth, and I intend to do so as well, just like your middle age and your great age. And eventually, whenever you feel ready, we can discuss about having a baby. Perhaps a planned one this time, yes?"

Tony had to take a few sharp breaths in order to absorb his answer. Afterwards, he stretched his core and kissed him, noticing suddenly that tears had started falling freely again on his face, without really knowing from what point on. All he knew was that he rushed onto him, pushing him on the bed.

"I'm not that far from middle age, you know," he joked without taking his mouth off of his. They laughed and he continued to kiss him, having climbed on him, and he kissed back equally strong.

He laughed. "Looks like someone is once again ready for a baby".

His eyes widened. "Don't even joke about that!"

They kept going for a bit before he stopped me again. "And what would you do once the baby was born?"

Tony pulled himself a bit backwards and looked away. "I don't know. I suppose I'd just learn to love it. It would be my child, after all."

He looked at me intensely. "It's really heartless of you to say something like that".

He bend my head down. "I know. But I really didn't want to hurt you".

"As you can see, you didn't".

He smiled and pushed himself off of him.

"I'll arrange a meeting for you the sooner I can at the best doctor I can find, to ensure that everything goes right".

His smile got bigger. "Thanks. You have no idea how much relieved I'm feeling right now".

"Keep that in mind, yes? Whenever you feel desperate, like no one listens to you, like no one understands you, please remember that you have a quite open minded boyfriend at your side".

It was impossible for Tony to make a joke out of his words at such a tensed moment. "And I'm more than thankful for that".

He smiled, satisfied. "I'm really sorry that you had to go through this".

"I should have told you earlier," he admitted, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"It's actually better that you told me just now".

"How come?"

"I just returned from a meeting with Thor. He told me that you might feel this way. Jane is only a few years younger than you and she still shivers at the sound of the word 'baby'."

Tony thought about his words for a bit. Turned out that he wasn't all that open minded, he was just warned. But since this case turned out to be in his favor, he wasn't stupid enough to comment on it.

He noticed that he was thoughtful and continued, realizing that his boyfriend needed a bit more support.

"Look, Tony, I am much older than you. And I may be ready to have children, but it is absolutely reasonable for you not to be. And I certainly do not intend to press you on the matter. Either way, it is not for me to be impregnated this time."

"This time?"

He sneered. "Long story."


End file.
